Scott Fagan's Mem.wa?

Book 4. Encore, Granfaddah Buckra An De Bo’ Hog!

Next week, the Barnd new LIVE CD “Scott Fagan and The MAAC Island Band” Shake A Bum! will be coming out…in the meantime I’ve been asked to reprise the POSTING of Granfaddah Buckra An De Bo’ Hog. so.. Here it tis! The Buckra CD is available right now at www.thecollectedworksofscottfagan.com  imagine finding Granfaddah Buckra an De Bo’ Hog laying under your tree on Christmas Morning. Good Lord! Double Good Lord!

Book 4. Encore, Granfaddah Buckra An De Bo’ Hog!

Well… now it happen so dat Granhaddah Buckra had de biggest, de schupides, de ugliest, de stinkis, de noisiest and de nastyiest Bo Hog  anybody had evah seen..

de Buckra liked to call him King George, and he loved dat Bo Hog like a Bruddah.

One day de neighbor dem come sae…,

“Buckra, you know Black people is good people, an de don mine if yu wan tu live wid dem an roun dem an side a dem oh undah neet a dem oh on top a dem or all in de middle an in between a dem  excepin’ when dat big  stinkin ugly’ bo’ hog of yours own “dat yu likes tu call King George”, du knock doun he pig pen “dat yu likes tu call he Castle of King George” an wha yu set up right in de middle a de yad, dat yu likes tu call “de Kingdom of King George” when dat Bo’ hog come  rootin up in every body business all ovah de yad, an throwin’ doun de cloths line wid all de chirren dem clean clothes on it, an rootin’ up an rollin up in all de woman dem clean panty, rootin up and rollng ovah doung  in de dutty mud an stinkin’ up de place an oinkin up de place an squealin up de place like de las pig outta hell an  wakin’ up all de people dem in de yad which of late has  happen almos every  single  night a de week an twice on Sunday,

 An Buckra, like we say, yu  kno black people is good people an we don mine, but Buckra,  Oh GOD Buckra,.we tink is time you should go live among yu own kine”..

 “Me own kine?” sae de Buckra, “me own kine? Wha kina kine yu tink is me own kine?”

 De boldest of de Neighbah dem sae “we have contemplated and conclude you should go live doun in Cha Cha tuun”,

 “Cha Cha toun?: Say de Buckra, “Cha Cha Toun?”

“Yes sah Buckra we have decided that you should go live  wid de res a dem Cha Cha doun in  Cha Cha toun”

 “Yu tink oy is a Cha cha? Yu tink oy is a Cha Cha?  Yu loy, yu loy! Yu don kno I is a white man? I ain no Cha Cha, yu Muddah is a Cha Cha!”

 No no! de uddah Neighbah say, no no not a Cha Cha, St. Thomas ain ga no Cha Cha no more, We doesn use that expression no more, she mean tu sae you should go live wid de res a dem doun Carenage..ers doun in Carenage..

 “Carenage? Carenage? Who yu callin a Carenage?  yu Muddah is aa Carenage!”

“No No Mistah Buckra, das de Frenchie dem way tu say  French Toun,”

 “French Toun? French Toun? Yu tink I should go live in French Toun?”

“Yes sah Mistah Buckra, Everybody in de yad say yu is  a Balahoo.. Das why yu should go livewid de res a de balahoo dem  doun in Cha Cha, ah mean French ah mean Carenage Toun!”

 Anuddah neibah pipe in

“Yes man yu keeian see how it is? Guana should live wid Guana, Mongoose should live wid Mongoose, Guava don grow onna Cenep Tree and yu should be wid de res a de Frenchie, Doun in Frenchie Toun”

 De Buckra hot now, he say “Guana? Guana? Who yu callin a Guana? Yu muddah is a Guana!”

“Not a Guana}, de neighbah sae, “not a Guana, yu is a Frenchie”.

 “Oy? Oy? You schupid oh sumting? Yu damn forward  AN schupiddy Oy ain no Frenchie,  Oy Is a white man yu talking to… Any body cou see I is a white man,.. wha wrang wid yu, anybody cou see Buckra De Paehae is a white man!”

 “Buckra”, (say de very darkest a de neighbah dem)  “Buckra, If you is a white man I is a Frenchie, if yu is a white man, why we don hear yu Yankin, Buckra, why we don hear yu yankin?”

 “Yankin? Yankin?” Sae de Buckra,  “yu want tu hear me Yankin?”

 “Ok den.

“AYHMM  COME FRUM ALABAMA,  WID A BANJO ON MAH KNEE, BUT NOW AH MMM JES A SAILOR IN THE U.S NAYVEE”

 “Yu see wha ah tell yu? Yu see wha ah tell yu?” De neighbah sae, “he ain no white man, he ain no white man. He keeian yank! Bou he is a white man, a white man wha keeian Yank? Yu evah see a white man wha keeian yank? De Buckra ain no white man, he is nuttin’ but a mushay! Ah say Sen im doun French Town!”

 “Oh yeah” say de Buckra, “Oh Yeah? Ok, den.. AH KIN SEE AHMM A GONNA HALF TA TALK REAL SERIOUS TU YAALLS SO YALL’S GONNA KNOW DAT YU IS TALKIN’ WID A BIG TIME AN  IMPORTANT WHITE MAN WHEN YU IS DEALING WID DE BUCKRA…

 NAH AHM A GONNA TELL YA SUNPIN, AH DON’T LIKE DE WAY SOMEFOLKS IS BEEN HARASSIN’ AN HOG TIEIN’ MY GOOD  KING GEORGE THE PO’K SWINE WID YER CLOTHLINES EVERY NIGHT AN AHMM A GITTIN’ TIURD AH TELLIN YA SO,

BUT JUS SOS,  DERES NO HARD FEELINS,AN DIS DON’T BECOME SOME KINA  FUGE, AH RECKON AHMM A GONNA PACK UP MAH SADDLEBAGS AN TAKE MA HERD, AH MEAN MA BO’HOAWAWG,  AN MOSEY ON DOUN WEST”.

 “Yes Yes, Buckra” de neighbah dem say, “yes yes das de bes ting Buckra,  mosey on doun west to Cha Cha toun”…

 An Me Boy, das when de REAL trouble start!

 Buckra and  de Bo’ Hog went straight doun to French Town an walk right in to de famous Normandy Bah, it wa round 11 a clock in de mawnin so naturally de place wa almos full. Half a de man dem wa teachin’   high school and mos a de legislatue was doun dare tu get a good head start on de day. Plus a few Sailah Man…

 Now de Buckra had done make up he mine dat  he ain talking no mo Island talk, because he ain wan nobody to make no mo mistake bou de fac dat he  is a white man through an through, from den on he Yankin straight,

Well… maybe a white man wid a lil someting else throw in in dare but all de same de Buckra say he  Yankin’ straight.

“WAL MA GOOD FRENCHIE FELLOW” he say to de lil bahman “ LEMME HAVE DE BES RED SODA DAT YOU GOT IN DE PLACE AN PLUS AH WANTS TU RENT A LIL HOUSE FROM Y’ALL DOUN IN DIS HEAH FRENCH TOWN”

Dat time a man name Magras, sae  “Hey, hey wait meson wait, Wha yu tink yu goin wid dat Bo hog?” Dis is de Narmandy Bah, only de bes a people cu come in in side a heah an we don deal wid no Bo Hag doun French Toun , We is fishah man doug here, RIDERS ON THE SEA!  You in de wrang place me boy, yu bettah go Nart side whea yu cou join up wid de res a dem RIDERS ON A DONKEY, an fuddah mo you ain no Frenchie!  You mubbee som kina doublebreed Daneman ana Putto Rician from Sain Croix!”

 All dis time three or fo drunken Sailah done feed King George de Bo Hog  mo dan a quart ana half a rum and coke, chase down wid bou five or six cold schafah beer me boy, and de Bo Hog  feelin’ it now.

 “OINK! OINK!  SQUEEE! SQUEEE! OINK! OINK!  SQUEEE! SQUEEE!”  Say de Bo Hog.

 Den he take off running roung and roung in de Normandy Bah, tunnin up and knockin doun table a chair, lef and right, all ovah de place, dis time he change he tune he  bawling out “ SQUEEYAW!  SQUEEYAW! OINK OINK! SQUEEYAW! SQUEEYAW!”   De nex ting yu know de Bo Hog stop, an start tu swing and sway. He open he eye dem wide wide and den… he vomit up a Green an Yellow tidal wave of de wus stinkin frat full a ole drawers and panty yu evah see.

De sailah dem killing dey self wid de laugh, but de Frenchie dem don tink it’s so funny ah tall…

 Well me boy, Buckra an de Bo Hog had tu haul dey “humpf” outta French Town, man dey two a dem run straight an all de way up Demarara Gut through mo jackspania and catchankee… dem boy ain stop til de reach de very top a Crown  an some ways doun de uddah side. An dats how Buckra and de Bo Hag fus arrive in Nelteburg.

But befo yu know it dat Bo’ Hog King George wa makin trouble an terrorizing de poor people dem out dare, rooting up in de peppah patch and knockin doun de cloths line.. well until he disappeared one day.

  Some people say King George de Bo’ Hog decided tu go St. John an is de Faddah and de Granfaddah of mos a de wus a de wile pig an even some a de wile donkey dem   harassin de people dem up dare in St. John,

 Som uddah people say dem Nart side French man finally get tu hol de Bo’ hog,, an had de biggis roas pig  of all time, evah dat Bastille Day doun Hull bay,

 But mos of all a taxi man say he know fo a fac dat dem boy from  de Agricultural Station out Doriteea catch King George an dress him up like a touris an put him onna touris boat, an nobody didn’t  notice de difference between he an de res a dem til’ dey reach back Florida me boy.

I don kno about dat, but de part I tell yu, is wha happen an das de trut, de whole trut, an nuttin but de trut… So help me Miss Gearty!